Thank U, Next

Overlooking Cabrillo Natl. Monument

“Look towards the horizon. That’s where the adventures are.” - Traci Chee

You already know what this story will be about since this is a breakup anthem. This is one of the hardest yet easiest breakups I’ve ever been through. No screaming. No crying. No yelling. No blaming. It was just…easy. It definitely went easier than I thought considering the history I have with 8 Mile. He’ll be nicknamed 8 Mile since he’s from Detroit.

Siri, play my girl Ariana Grande’s jam “Thank U, Next”…

“Thought I’d end up with Sean, but it wasn’t a match. Wrote some songs about Ricky. Now, I listen and laugh…”

I find it absolutely uncanny that another ex’s name appears in those lyrics but here we are.

I try to write things when I’m a little more removed and reflective if they’re emotionally charged. Right now, I just feel numb. I feel grateful for having this time with him. I feel happy that this time we can remain friends. We’re much better people than we were the last time we dated for 3 years. After a 5-year gap, it’s wonderful to know that we not only rekindled a relationship but a friendship. Although, I have to tell you that breaking up after having sex is as awkward as one would expect.

“I’ve loved and I’ve lost but that’s not what I see. Cause look what I’ve found. Ain’t no need for searching and for that I say…”

My mother has her own feelings on this as she only wants to see her little girl happy, in love and flourishing. However, I can’t be happy, in love and flourishing if I’m pretending to be in love. We’ve had our issues. Most certainly no relationship is sunshine and rainbows 24/7. That’s not my expectation. There will be fussing and fighting.

The thing is, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to do things with me like go out periodically or meet my friends. I’ve met his. We’ve gone to his friends’ parties. But he won’t meet mine. We periodically go out to a brewery, and we went wine tasting recently. One thing I wanted to do last time we dated is go to Disneyland. He claimed he didn’t have the time. But he found time to drive up Interstate 5 to Los Angeles for another girl and her child to take them to Disneyland. The girl he dated after that someone got him to indulge in her alcoholism being out at bars on the weekend in Encinitas until closing. I mentioned things I wanted to do like going on my first snowboarding trip this year and a few other things, but he didn’t even reply. His excuse? “I’m stoned. How can you expect me to have a conversation with you?” Is that how you’re supposed to be with the person you claim to want to marry?

Basically, even though I’m scared shitless of entering the dating pool again as this was never my plan — I know that there’s things I want from my significant other and I shouldn’t settle for good enough. I look forward to seeing pictures of him and his next girlfriend doing things. Honestly, I hope we both get it right next time from one friend to another.

Thank you, next.