Bad Liar

I didn’t think I would ever want to tell this story because quite honestly, it’s embarrassing and I’m a trash human for this…but here it goes. Selena Gomez’s “Bad Liar” inspired this one.

“I was walking down the street the other day, tryin’ to distract myself. But then I see your face. Oh wait, that’s someone else. Tryin’ to play it coy. Tryin’ to make it disappear. But just like the Battle of Troy, there’s nothing subtle here. In my room, there’s a king size space bigger than it used to me. If you want, you can rent that place. Call me an amenity. Even if it’s in my dreams…”

Honestly, I think that gyms are the worst place to work. They’re good for being around people, which can be fun; Also, they can be fucking exhausting if you’re an introverted extrovert like myself. A gym is also the devil’s playground for a single woman. I met a lot of guys. None worthwhile. There is one that hasn’t completely disappeared; He does go away and then pop back up sporadically. We’ll call him, Mr. Officer. “Wee oh wee oh wee. Wee oh wee oh wee oh wee oh wee oh wee…” (That was for the Weezy F Baby fans).

How did we meet? Glad you asked. I worked for the a gym in after my three year relationship ended. I transferred to a new location after moving out of the apartment we shared. So many weird ass things happened at this new gym. I mean, that town center is the last stop on the trolley; Lots of weirdos get off there and do weird shit.

I thought it was a good thing that the sheriff’s station was right down the street and they had a satellite office in the town center right by my job. It made me feel a little safer. I didn’t think I would need to call them for a homeless pervert harassing myself and other women at the gym. Let me be clear, the previous statement is not to cast aspersions on all homeless people — just that guy.

I made that call and it brought him in. It was my mother’s birthday and this was towards the end of my shift. I did not want to stay overtime filling out an incident report and waiting for the deputies to leave, until I saw his 6’4 frame, with dark hair and blue (maybe green) eyes walk through the door. Teal. He has teal eyes. I have a type.

At that point it was worth it. But I needed to focus on the task at hand: Finding the pervert who had disappeared into the gym after I called the police.

We found him. I put him under citizens arrest and the deputies escorted him out. That was the end of it.

Months later, I was walking to the Starbucks on my break when he was rolling through in his cruiser. I was speed walking past because that soy chai tea latte was crucial and my break was only 10 minutes. When I heard him ask about the creeper. I stopped, looked and said “Oh, it’s you.” After some small talk, he slid me a card with his phone number (In case I wanted a “ride along”). I waited until the end of my shift to text him. We wound up talking and I sent him a few naughty texts…To be clear, this was over time. Not necessarily the same day.

But there was something he neglected to tell me. Luckily I had an inside source who informed me that he has a wife. He did mention that it’s hard for him to date the day he slid me his number. Yeah, that would make it awfully hard. Wouldn’t it? So, a month or two flies by. I decided to confront him after he reappeared. His response: “It’s complicated.” He’s “separated”. My thoughts: But they cohabitate. So, that doesn’t count.

Flash forward through a “few” hookups and a relationship over the years, this pen pal flirtation has continued off and on. Spoiler alert: It’s currently off. I am happily seeing someone that I think could be good for me. I like him a lot.

But, I am the trash human here. We have periodically talked. We have sexted. The thoughts that I had of being with him sexually are gone…but having entertained the idea at all over the past few years knowing that he’s married, makes me a horrible human.

Just so we’re all clear: This is not a thing right now.

Photo by David von Diemar on Unsplash