Love Is All Around

So, everyone and their mom knows I’m an old soul. That’s probably why I am closest to my sister who I refer to as a 90-year-old stuck in a 26-year-old’s body. She likes more church lady-esque type of fragrances, purses and she’s very much a homebody most days. But she works as a nurse, so I understand those 12-hour days are no joke.

Back to my original point, I’ve always been an old soul. When I was a kid, watching SNICK on Saturday nights, once Are You Afraid of the Dark went off — I was watching “Nick at Nite, the place for tv hits!” (in my jingle voice) instead of going to bed. Some of my favorites were The Jeffersons, All In The Family, The Brady Bunch, Laverne and Shirley, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Bewitched and of course The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Alexa play “Love Is All Around” by Sonny Curtis (The Mary Tyler Moore theme)…

“Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day And suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well, it's you girl and you should know it. With each and every movement you show it…”

I fell in love with Mary Tyler Moore from the moment I saw her spin and toss her hat in the air. The intro to the theme song makes my ears perk up. Do, do, do, do…

I didn’t understand the premise of the show as a child nor what a modern woman MTM’s character associate news producer Mary Richards is as well as how art imitates life for Mary Tyler Moore as she herself is a modern woman and feminist. She was an Emmy award winning actress, created her own production company and advocate for animal rights as well as women’s rights.

As a woman in her mid 30s, I understand and couldn’t love her more than I did at 6 or 7 years of age. She’s especially relevant at a time when certain politicians are demonizing women who put themselves first and their careers first. They call women who don’t have children “miserable cat ladies”, despite the fact that some women can’t conceive for medical reasons or maybe just maybe we don’t want to. Side note: I’m childless and unmarried — but certainly not miserable. I have a dog who brings joy to my heart.

I had the misfortune of almost getting engaged to a psychotic person. Thank goodness I dodged that bullet. My views on marriage are that if you want to do it, you do you. I personally don’t subscribe to the thought that I have to have a big expensive party and a legal document that proves that I love my partner. Does that make me a marriage hater or hater of people who choose to be mothers? Absolutely not. I just don’t think it’s for everyone nor should we shame those women who choose not to conform. It should be their choice.The government definitely shouldn’t be trying to ram marriage and kids down our throats.

Actress Katharine Hepburn is a bad ass who never had kids. She married once but divorced and lived a very happy life, unmarried and childless. Hepburn was one-half of the most storied love affair in all of Hollywood. She lived life on her own accord and not antiquated societal constructs.

“Only when a woman decides not to have children, can a woman live like a man. That’s what I’ve done.” - Katharine Hepburn

These same politicians also maintain that you can’t have it all. But you most certainly can as Mary Tyler Moore did. She balanced her marriage, career and motherhood successfully.

“Women are or should be human beings first, women second, wives and mothers third. It should fall in that order and if there’s enough thought and effort put into this attempt it will not hurt the family, it will not hurt the work, that they can function very nicely together. I’m proof of it. ” - Mary Tyler Moore

If you haven’t seen The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Mary moves to Minneapolis at the beginning of the show to start her life over after a breakup with someone who doesn’t see her worth. She goes on an interview for a secretarial job but winds up being granted an Associate Producer gig at a failing news station run by her new unusual boss Lou Grant. She forms a friendship with Rhoda (her competition for her dope ass apartment) and Phyllis who has a daughter Bess that looks up to her Aunt Mary. She also builds a chosen family with her coworkers.

In the premier, the guy who wouldn’t marry her after 2 years of being together reappears and tries to win her back. He wants her to continue being with him but under his terms and not her terms. Her boss, Mr. Grant had shown up drunk as a skunk missing his wife and asked to use Mary’s typewriter to write a letter to her as she was out of town. Very sweet, Mr. Grant. In the midst of this, Mary tells her former flame that she’s not really a very good communicator as she’s “lousy at goodbyes" when he compliments her on her communication skills. He looks puzzled as he utters “Did you just say goodbye?”. He then tells her to take care of herself to which she replies “I think I just did”. So powerful.

“How will you make it on your own? This world is awfully big. And girl this time you’re all alone. But it’s time you started living. It’s time you let someone else do some giving…”

I watched the first episode on HULU just last week for the first time in ages and I’ve been binging the series ever since. I can relate more than ever because after a series of failed relationships where I’ve given so much of myself to end up by myself again, I’m ready to let someone else make the sacrifices. I know love is about give and take. I always find myself being more selfless than the person that I’m involved with.

I’m not playing the victim. I own the fact that I’ve done that to myself. I’m conceding that I do have this knack of giving more of myself to others only to end up empty handed in the end. That’s why I’ve changed my approach. I reciprocate energy. I don’t give more or less.

I’ve also become more focused on growing my sister circle. I’ve shifted the focus to “Who am I?” independent of being someone’s mate. That’s probably why I’ve been a little skittish when it comes to dating. I’m so focused on not making the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I just recently broke my “first date curse”. I hadn’t been on a second date in over three months. The best part? He’s quite handsome, Buddhist and likes a diverse range of music like me. When we talk it doesn’t feel forced. Could he be the one? I’m taking it one date at a time and just embracing the possibilities while tending to my other responsibilities.

John Lennon said it best: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Love comes in many forms. Right now, my focus is on the potential of realizing true love without compromising my self-love. And I shouldn’t be so scared. The only way to make things happen is to say “Yes” instead of “No”. You have to risk it to get the biscuit and I’ve already taken the first step by letting go of things that no longer suit me.

“Love is all around no need to fake it. You can have the town, why don’t you take it? You might just make it after all!”

*Tosses hat in the hair*