Straight Talk
“A true friend stabs you in the front.”
Previously, I talked to you about how my directness may have cost me a friend. I didn’t say it in the spirit of being an asshole; I said what I needed to say in the spirit of being honest.
Remember when I said my best friend of 20+ years kept it a little too real for me when we went to Vegas and I got a little too emotional? Well, my best friend and I found out way back to each other. I think every friendship, every relationship needs room for the people in them to have introspection and be able to grow. Humans are ever changing. We’re forever learning about the world, about ourselves and the reasons why we do what we do.
But I've come to the conclusion that a real friend will tell you the truth. They won’t tell you what you want to hear and then talk shit behind your back. They won’t blow smoke up your ass. The more honest someone is with you, the more they have your best interest at heart.
Over the weekend, my best friend Squeaky and I decided to spend some girlfriend quality time. We went to the Carlsbad Flower Fields and spent the day connecting with nature before I showed her the quaint beach area of Encinitas. She’s never driven down Highway 101 before. So, the passenger princess in her received a welcome treat of salt air since we rolled the windows down while cruising. California is not the shithole Fox News makes it out to be.
Check out some pics from the Flower Fields below🌺⬇️:
Anyways, from where we live — Carlsbad is a decent drive. We had time to catch up since I last saw her for a movie date to see Send Help! with Rachel McAdams. I decided to enlighten her on my situation with the guy I recently “hooked up” with, thus ending my celibacy. However, given that it didn’t last long at all — she said she wouldn’t count that. She just simply said “You’re still celibate in my book.” She also gave some blunt analysis on how the hook-up happened.
Squeaky: “Oh. You got him close to the edge and then got on top? That’s kind of your fault. Lazy starfish is how we do things.”
Me: “Well, I didn’t know he was close. But, what’s wrong with getting on top?”
Squeaky: “He’s close to coming. You can’t give him more stimulation with your titties and everything in his face. He’s going to bust. Rookie mistake. But you’re still celibate after that.”
Me: “At least I have your blessing not to count that. Next time, no riding.”
For the record, I don’t believe there will be a next time with him. I haven’t even talked to him in 3 days. The good old “3-day rule”: if you don’t talk in 3 days that means it’s a wrap. Which for me, the dealbreaker should be that he’s never made a solid date plan. I was patient while he dealt with some personal things and helping his friend deal with a tough loss. I understood. No solid plans still though? It seems he pays me compliments and talks up future plans like sending me the “It’s almost take a pretty girl to the ball park time” reel on Instagram just to keep me hanging around. I know from experience what it’s like to be a placeholder or just a convenient option and I know I’m worth more than that. I had to acknowledge that I brought it on myself by kind of sleeping with him. I let him off the hook easily.
Squeaky concurred that I shouldn’t hold my breath for “the date” that will never come. Besides, I should give myself a chance to find someone who truly desires me, shows me by planning dates and won’t leave me unsatisfied. At least I was able to have multiple orgasms on New Years’ from riding someone’s face. I’ll take that. I was a little selfish that night. He didn’t mind.
Next, we talked about how I considered apologizing to J. Squeaky’s quick reply was “What for? Then she’ll think she’s right when she’s not. What did you say that was out-of-pocket?” I’m not really sorry for what I said, but I could have said it in a gentler way? I was blunt because I was plum sick of the ranger, who is a phantom at this point and I just didn’t understand why I couldn’t say that I supported her decision or try to encourage her to keep her wits about her with some rando she just met without having my head bitten off. But I discussed this in my previous piece. Essentially, my best friend thinks that I was just honest and J wants “yes people”. It tends to be the “Yes people” who backstab you. I’d rather tell you my honest opinion to your face, instead of you hearing it from someone else later and that’s not exactly what I said or meant.
My best friend had some more insight: She did have another insightful thought while we were driving: “You ever think that because you like sports and video games that they start to think of you as a homie and not a woman?”
A revolutionary thought. It could be possible that I get pigeon-holed into being considered “one of the homies”.
The thought plagued me on the drive home. But she’s probably on to something. I do tend to get looked at like more of a homie than a girlfriend or lover to be romanced because I like things like football, retro video games, South Park, Beavis and Butthead, and The League. I do like “girl stuff” like Self-care Sunday (skincare days), shopping for clothes (online), getting my hair done and flirting. Unfortunately, flirting is not something I would consider myself good at. If you’re new here, I’m awkward AF. I’m not an ugly girl but I’m just not the social media prototype: fake nails, fake lashes and wears leggings or skin-tight gym shorts that look like panties everywhere. I mean, if that’s you then no judgment. It’s just not me. The guy I’m meant to be with is going to be A-OK with me: playing Street Fighter II, imitating Cartman, wearing minimal makeup and being awkward like I’m homeschooled.
That’s really all there is to it. After all, my real friends are good with me — right? Why shouldn’t it be the same with romantic partners?
To quote Alice in Wonderland:
“You can learn a lot of things from the flowers…”