Soul Intact (Interlude)
“Let nothing dim the light that shines from within.”
— Maya Angelou
Ugh. I feel like I say this a lot lately, but everything is so ghetto right now. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed or just plain exhausted. Honestly, I’ve lost more sleep than I can count over the past eight months. Between everything happening in the world and the chaos in this country, it’s hard to find joy — or even a moment of inner peace.
On top of all that, I’ve been battling the internal stuff, too — the quiet but relentless thieves of joy: overthinking, internalizing other people’s issues, and feeling like I need to carry it all.
As I’ve said before, dating has been incredibly f*cking rough. I know it's hard for all women in their 30s and up who haven’t found “their person” yet. But as difficult as it is for non-Black women, statistically, it’s even harder for us.
I’m currently working on a deeper piece exploring the why — both through data and my personal experiences — but for now, consider this a short preface inspired by one of my favorite interludes from SWV’s New Beginning album, titled “Soul Intact.”
“Don’t let nothing hold you back.
Keep your head up towards the sky.
It’s gonna be rough.
You can’t give up.
Hold on…”
Keeping your soul intact is easier said than done in today’s world. It gets a little easier when you have someone by your side — someone who loves you deeply, hugs you often, kisses your forehead without being asked.
I’m grateful to have friends who keep me grounded and loved. Some family does, too. But I won’t lie: not having that one person — a true partner — still stings. With every disappointment, the sinking feeling grows that maybe it’s just… not going to happen.
There’s no shortage of think pieces and research about how the system is stacked against women like me — Black women who went to college.
I’ve had my fair share of relationships (primarily with white men, because that’s who tends to approach me) that left me feeling more harmed than held. Men who were condescending, gaslighting, or outright racist — and yet they’d try to wrap it in a compliment.
“You’re not like other Black women.”
“You’re the only Black girl I’ve ever been attracted to.”
“Are you mixed? You look different.”
It’s exhausting. I’ve been compared to white women. And after we break up? They usually move on with someone white or Latina — and treat them better. As if I was never worthy of being cherished in the first place… simply because I’m Black.
Again, I’m saving the bulk of this for the longer piece I’m writing. But I needed to share where my head’s at. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading this prelude.
Tonight, I’m going to turn on my LED candles, tell Alexa to cue up a decompressing playlist, and just woosah. I’m reminding myself that even in the middle of all this — all the noise, disappointment, and systemic BS — my peace is sacred. My light is mine.
“Keep your soul intact.
Don’t let nothing hold you back…”
Until I finish my latest piece examining the dating challenges of Black women in detail, please feel free to explore some of my other posts and life stories. I’ve shared everything from personal growth to the hilarious and the heartbreaking.
👉🏾 Hit the “Storytime” link in the nav bar — there’s plenty more where this came from.