Talk About Love

Women have two reactions to heartbreak or unrequited love: you get a haircut that you regret or hoe out. I chose the latter after my fallout with El Cheapo. For reference, he’s the one from the stories “Go Wrong” and “This is Me Trying”. I’m pretty sure there’s another story dragging him after he went off on me about brunch and shit but I can’t remember the title off of the top of my head since I’m taking the Ernest Hemingway approach to writing: drinking.

They say drugs fuel creativity but I’m pretty sure they meant White Claw.

After El Cheapo, I was in hook up mode until I decided what it is that I actually want for my life. I had spent the last few years helping keep my mother and stepdad afloat. I needed to focus on me. I didn’t need to get attached to another unreliable and selfish jerk. Getting my cobwebs cleared out wasn’t out of the question because, sex is not love and love is not sex. I hope someone who needs to hear that is reading this.

However, I made the mistake of getting involved with someone going through a divorce with a 12 year old daughter. He was looking for more. I was trying to keep it casual. I told him early, “If we fuck that’s all this is for right now. I’m not committing to anything”. Do y’all think he heard me? Hell no.

Queue Zara Larsson’s “Talk About Love”.

I don’t wanna talk about love. I just wanna keep us right here in the moment. Why you gotta go get lost in emotion? I can make your dreams come true overnight. Yeah, I’ll do anything that you want but I won’t talk about love.

A couple of weeks passed after our first couple of dates. We hooked up. It wasn’t very good…for me, at least. I’d rather have had a DIY(Do It Yourself) session. But he was nice so I tried not to hurt his feelings. We talked late at night. He called a lot. I knew he was feeling me more than I was feeling him and one night he said he could see himself falling in love with me and started blabbing about wanting me to meet his little girl because I gave him medical advice for her UTI.

Honestly, I’m just a woman who has had quite a few of those and one that resulted in a kidney infection that landed me in the hospital. I felt a social responsibility to tell a clueless father how to help his preteen daughter. That didn’t mean that I was ready to meet her and become a fixture in her life already.

Needless to say, I had to start freezing him out. You know…become what I hate: a ghost. I felt bad knowing his soon-to-be ex wife knew about me and I figured she would be relentless if I ended things with him. According to him, she’s Petty Murphy. But I was not going to be trapped in something that I didn’t want to spare someone’s feelings. I’ve sacrificed my own feelings enough in my life. He pops up randomly just to say hi, but that much I can handle.

I was happy that BOB was the only man in my life for the time being and working a shit ton of OT. I was collecting my coins like Mario. Unfortunately, that peace of mind would only last 2 weeks until a ghost from my past decided he wasn’t through with me yet.

To be continued….