You Don’t Know My Name

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

Hello again! Don’t worry. In the words of the band AJR, “I’m way less sad” in this post. I know Would’ve, Could’ve Should’ve was a bit of a doozy. I decided to counter the sadness of that story with another high school humiliation, laugh at my pain type of story. This blog is like a Drake album; You’ll laugh, cry, turn up and then text your ex. It’s just how it goes. If you check out the Soundtrack to my Life playlist, you just might dance. As you can see, we like plugs here…

This is a story about the first boy to ever refer to me as beautiful. He was fine AF in high school and still is today. I can’t stand him for it. He was only supposed to peak in high school and that was it. Ok, obviously I can’t be serious right now. Let’s go back to the year of unfortunate eyebrows, 2004.

Alexa, play “You Don’t Know My Name” by Alicia Keys…

“Baby, baby, baby. From the day I saw you, I really, really wanted to catch your eye…”

I had just transferred schools after putting up with bullying and isolation at my first high school. Fresh out of the slammer known as summer school, I was excited to begin anew at another school. It was a chance to reinvent myself and become cool.

Narrator voice: “She would never be cool.”

I was going along with my day, texting my best friend who went to another school since my new school started a month before hers and eating my snacks in solitude. I didn’t know that my third period US History class would make my day better.

I went to class early to finish my yogurt and pick my seat. I was new, so I didn’t really have anyone to eat lunch with yet. As the first bell rang, I started pulling out my binder and I can’t remember what I was looking for in my backpack (my guess would be a pen or lip gloss) while kids were shuffling into class. But as I looked up from my backpack, I stared into his green eyes and my mind went blank. I heard nothing else around me. All I heard was “You’re beautiful. I’m blinded by your radiance” coming from his lips.

A boy saying something nice to me? Not only a boy, but a very good looking boy? Hot damn! I instantly fell in love with my new school.

I replayed the sentence in my head. I don’t think I heard anything our teacher said other than my name when he was taking roll. After the bell rang, I was taken by surprise when he slid his number to me with his name. I don’t think he knew he fucked up at that point but, he found out later.

“Somethin' special 'bout you. I must really like you. 'Cause not a lot of guys are worth my time, oh. Ooh, baby, baby, baby. It's getting kind of crazy. 'Cause you are taking over my mind…”

I may or may not have used his number gratuitously over the next two months. He humored me at first but then his little brother would pick up the phone or his mom would and they’d say he’d call me back. He didn’t. I totally understand why. It’s a little obsessive. And I hope he accepts this embarrassing story as my apology.

He even started sitting across the room from me. I think that’s when I said, “Ok, I’ve now made him uncomfortable”. All I wanted him to do was see me because every girl in our grade and the fast-tailed girls in the grade below us wanted him. He was unattainable. For me, anyways.

Just when I had given up, he had missed school and decided to call me for an assignment. Imagine my surprise when I saw the caller ID finally say what I had been hoping for. I begged my mom to answer the phone because I didn’t want to seem too excited. Who likes that? She did and then passed the phone to my timid hands.

However, it wasn’t all that I was hoping for because it was about homework and then “I’ll see you at school.” Sad face.

“It feels like, ooh. You don't know my name. And I swear it, baby, it feels like, ooh. You don't know my name. ('Round and 'round and 'round we go, will you ever know?)…”

I waved the white flag for a second time. I was leaving school early one day I think before Thanksgiving break in my cute little corduroy pants and cowl neck sweater when I ran into him on my way to my mom’s car. We “Hey” ‘d each other and then he said to me “I’m sorry I wasn’t at school today”. To which I replied, “You know what? I really don’t care”. My mom said he looked a little wounded as I got into her car and we drove off. Ok. But the audacity of him to think that he made my day when he actually did…the hubris was too real. And I can’t have that, now can I?

Fast forward to Christmas break. I was sleeping over at my friend’s house when we decided to call our crushes. Well, more so her than I. I somehow got suckered into calling him. Anyways, we called him and he was hanging out with a friend who I don’t believe went to our school; But I met him once after Saturday School because I was a bad girl who always forgot her school ID.

We somehow convinced them to sneak out of the house that night. This should be a rebellious, sexy, late night meeting right? Wrong! If you know anything about the inland valleys of San Diego, it gets cold as hell at night. It was December. It was probably 40 degrees outside if I had to take a guess and this was about midnight when they finally got to the Henry’s Market (Now, Sprouts) in the village.

Of course, as we’re walking it dawned on me that I was clueless on how to proceed. I turned to my friend and said “What do I do with him?” She paused while we were walking and said “You didn’t think about that until now?” I mean she convinced me to do this, the least she could have done was given me some damn instructions. I was a virgin. I wasn’t hooking up with him in a parking lot in the middle of winter. Needless to say, it was awkward as we all stood there freezing and talking somewhat before hugging goodbye. I wanted to lay one on him but fear of being rebuffed kept me from doing so.

January arrived and we were back at school. Seeing him made me relive the awkward moment in my mind. Again, I waved the white flag and for good this time. To quote Taylor Swift, this crush was “miserable and magical”.

We didn’t really talk again until running into each other the first part of senior year; He’d randomly pop up at my locker while I was getting ready for cross country practice. Then he vanished the rest of the year. The next time I’d see him was at graduation on the football field. I was standing alone taking it all in when he appeared out of nowhere. He walked over to say “Congratulations”. We embraced and then said goodbye. My mother, ever the observer says casually: “That was a long hug”. To which I replied: “So where are we going for dinner?”

Fast forward 6 years. I ran into him at a mutual friend’s Halloween party. He was there with his girlfriend at the time, who is now his wife. I spotted him at a table getting a drink and snuck up on him. He barely recognized me. To be fair, I looked pretty hot in my sexy mobster costume and I had boobs I didn’t have in high school along with a weave. So, I wouldn’t have recognized me either.

After that, I wouldn’t run into him for another 12 years. I was at the grocery store grabbing guacamole when I went down the aisle he and his wife happened to be in. I tried to scurry past him since I was on a time crunch but I turned around when I realized it was him. I couldn’t walk out and not at least say hello to both of them. So I did. We had small talk and his wife didn’t remember me but I told her we met over a decade ago. We said goodbye and I went on my way with my guac. On my way to my car, I got a message from him on IG saying “It was nice to see you.” It was good to see him too. I’m happy that he found someone who sees him as more than a pretty face and grounded him. He’s happy. They’re happy. And I am happy for them.

We’ll always have the awkwardness of Henry’s (Sprouts).

Author’s note: The subject of Light My Fire was also in our US History class. Click the link to read more.