Traitor x True Story x Eternal Sunshine Pt. 2

And now, the shocking (not shocking) conclusion of the saga of Florida Man.

*I laughed to myself when writing that first line. Florida Man is his nickname for more than the fact that he likes their policies. It’s because when you see a headline that begins with “Florida Man”, you know it’s going to be some fucked up shit that makes you say “Only in Florida”. So, here it is: more of the fucked up shit.

I left town May 16th, my birthday. I spent my birthday in airports trying to escape the pain I felt. I think it was more so needing to escape the toxicity in the air. I didn’t want to be around if he decided to show up at my house unannounced. In retrospect, he’s too much of a cowardice bitch to ever do that. The really nice thing about traveling on your birthday is that people want to buy you drinks. I was pretty toasted when I finally arrived in St. Louis much to my father’s chagrin.

Anyways, I started channeling my energy back into running. My father’s neighborhood is pretty serene and lush. You can see foxes when you’re out running if you go in the morning. He doesn’t have a fence so I liked to get up and share my morning coffee with the rabbits and squirrels by way of looking out of the window by the Keurig. Little did I know while I was doing this, Florida Man who was blocked on my all of my socials was aware that I was no longer in San Diego because he had created a fake Instagram profile to cyberstalk me. You read that right. The man who damaged my psyche had the audacity to cyberstalk me because he “needed to see pictures of me”. He confessed this to me when I gave him another shot to fuck me over.

I had no clue. So while I’m in St. Louis thinking he has no access to me, he found a way to gain access to me and my whereabouts. Wild. One of the best things to come out of this breakup was that my relationship with my father changed. We spent time going on daddy-daughter dates and felt like we understood each other more. It’s been a challenge with me growing up on the West Coast and him living in the Midwest. Not to mention, there’s other issues but that’s another story for another time. This is about Florida Man.

When I came back from Missouri, I immediately got bombarded with doctors appointments for my mother within a month of my return. I noticed my mother looked very gaunt and had lost a significant amount of weight while I was out of state. It was alarming. We found out not only did she have an overactive thyroid but she was diagnosed with breast cancer the day after the 27th anniversary of my grandmother’s death from the very same illness. In the midst of that, I began seeing someone I knew from high school and that fizzled quickly (see “Light My Fire”) and then I started seeing my dachshund obsessed friend who happens to know Florida man because they’re both in the military and happened to be on the same ship at one time. I told you San Diego is small.

My guess is that by this time, he was deep in his relationship with Hairy Bush Woman and decided to give up cyberstalking me. We’ll fast forward to January of this year just after I had COVID and my dachshund obsessed friend made homemade soup for me and my family while the whole house battled it. He’s the sweetest but the romantic chemistry wasn’t there for me. Again, another story for another time.

I created a separate Instagram account for my writing to promote it that month. I thought blocks translated to that account because it was created as a business account from my personal Insta.

No, that’s not how it works. I found out because the evening I ended things with the dachshund obsessed guy, that Florida Man had cyberstalked me and found that page. He sent me a message saying he wanted to do it before the New Year but couldn’t find me or whatever and that he was sorry for the things he did. I did a full belly laugh when I saw this thinking “Oh, really"?” It took me a few days to reply. I didn’t realize replying was the worst thing I could do.

Alexa, play “Eternal Sunshine” by Ariana Grande…

“I don’t care what people say. We both know I couldn’t change you. I guess you could say the same. Can’t rearrange truth. I’ve never seen someone lie like you do. So much, even you start to think it’s true. Ooh, get me out of this loop…”

My mother tried to warn me. She said “I don’t know why you’re even talking to that demon when I watched you almost lose your mind over the things he was doing”. She was right and I had to express humility. Humility is an important character trait, probably right up there with empathy and compassion. She told me not to agree to meet him.

I agreed to meet him at his apartment. It was supposed to be just meeting at a coffee shop. You know, neutral territory? That didn’t happen. Instead I met him at his apartment and we talked somewhat. It turned into watching Big Bang Theory and sex. I returned home even though he extended the offer to stay the night. I was disappointed in the fact that I had jumped into bed with him so quickly. But you know what they say about toxic relationship sex…And he himself reminisced about our sex life the first time around. Per his Yelp review, it was “awesome” and “You’re the only girl I ever loved going down on. You kept it hairless and clean”. You’ll see why this detail matters later.

A couple of days later, we met for sushi. I paid for my own meal because I didn’t want him to think I owed him anything since he fed me. It’s one of those “I can do it for myself” moments. I wanted to let him know that I don’t need him. I’m choosing to see if he’s changed at all. While we were at dinner, Hairy Bush Woman was texting him nonstop saying “How could you hang out with her after all she’s done?” After all I’ve done? I asked him on the way back “What does she think happened the first time around?”. To which he replied “I don’t know why she hates you so much. I asked her if your family wronged hers years ago.” He knows damn well why she hates me. As I found out, she’s not too fond of Black people and of course there’s the lies he told her and everyone in his circle about me. But wait, there’s more.

After a couple of weeks and seeing his daughters for the first time in almost a year, we spent Valentine’s Day together. We went to the same restaurant I had taken him to the year before and treated for dinner. When I treated him for dinner, he said he had never had a woman offer to pay for a dinner even for Valentine’s Day which meant a lot to him. He paid this past year. I thought how nice. Technically, we didn’t spend actual Valentine’s Day together. We spent the day before and the day after together. The day of Valentine’s Day, he went to his favorite country bar to “do homework” and invited C to join him and she brought a guy with her. C is the girl who cuts his hair and he asked her out before attempting to spin the block with me because he “loved me” and “missed me” so much. Why did you invite another woman out on V-day then? Honestly, I should have seen the writing on the wall. Moving on.

After this incident, he went MIA while out celebrating the birthday of a friend. I had reservations about that. But I forgave him once we talked. Then he hit me with another brick by sending me a screenshot of a girl exposing her titty and referring to him by name asking how he is. He told me he didn’t know who she was but I guess he felt the need to find out. So he claims he deleted the picture so he could do his detective work without being distracted. If I received a random dick picture from an unsaved number, I wouldn’t feel the need to play Sherlock Homegirl. I’d be like BLOCKED. But he had to absolutely know who this person was and how he knew her. Not suspicious at all right?

I think this may have been a week later, but his grandmother fell and suffered internal bleeding. She was in the hospital in critical condition and they didn’t expect her to make it. He texted me this as I was about to take my mom to radiation treatment. Florida man was needing to travel to Orlando spur of the moment and he flew first class (You’ll see why this matters later). I rushed getting my mom home from radiation and taking her to the grocery store to spend time with him and his daughters before he flew out to Orlando since I didn’t know how long he would be gone. So, his ex-wife came over to get the girls and I walked them out. I hugged each and every one of them goodbye and his ex-wife texted him saying I was “timid”. I was more concerned about keeping it peaceful for the children.

So while, he was in Orlando — my mom started giving me shit about being with him and I fought with her about it. I even left her at the dentist and drove to Orange County to blow off some steam. I got her a Lyft ride home so I didn’t totally desert her. I just couldn’t deal. I also checked up on him while he was in Florida and made sure to try to comfort him in the midst of losing his grandma even though I have my own feelings about people losing their grandparents in their 30s since I lost mine before I turned 10. But that’s for me and my therapist to discuss.

He started wanting to Facetime while he was there and was telling me in front of his mother “I love you so damn much” and compared my being there for him with Hairy Bush Woman’s lack of being there for him when the same thing happened to his grandfather on his mother’s side. He seemed super appreciative. He told me how he wanted me to move in again, wanted to take care of me and he wanted to get my initials tatted on him because he loves me and I was it for him. He even told Hairy Bush Woman to kick rocks and they couldn’t be friends on his own accord. When I asked why while driving him home from the airport he replied, “I just don’t want to put myself in a position to get drunk with her and hook up with her. I don’t want to hurt you”. Sounds good right? Albeit a little unusual for someone who said he didn’t enjoy sex with her and she had BO. It was all a crock of shit. It was easy for him to let her go for exactly those reasons. He never really wanted her as I stated before.

As I would find out just a couple of weeks after his return from Orlando, Florida Man didn’t really love me either. His birthday is two days after my mother’s birthday. How I am so happy that won’t be an uber expensive week going forward in my life…He and I started planning his birthday. My mom’s was already planned. But he tells me he invited Big Clit Girl (Another girl he hooked up with just before we dated the first time who started creeping my IG after we started dating) and of course C. I looked forward to seeing the girl who is married to his friend because I felt like I owed her a face-to-face apology for my behavior the night I met her. But why do you need to have an ex-fling who isn’t that good of a friend and someone who you wanted to date who you told me also isn’t that good of a friend at your birthday? He said this a few nights prior when we were on the couch watching Big Bang Theory and he went on IG to creep her story then hastily clicked out. Not at all suspicious right? I’m on the couch with you and you’re thinking about another girl? Hmmm. I got up from the couch to take a shower and asked him if I was a placeholder for her. He said “No. I love you. You’re all I want”. Then why was it absolutely necessary for her to be at your birthday party? And why did you tell me that I didn’t have to come if I wasn’t ok with it? Crimson flag.

Then came the final kick in the fucking teeth. I spent my mom’s birthday making breakfast for him and his girls which was something I liked doing. I liked feeding my makeshift family. At first, I was thrilled to have them back until their dad started showing signs of being a jackass again. I spent that morning cooking, doing everyone’s laundry, having sex with him and getting ready for my mother’s birthday dinner. I spent the morning having sex with a man who I didn’t know had betrayed me the day before offering C a room in his home. He would drop that on me the day after when I took my mother to another radiation appointment.

The real kicker is that I asked my mom on her birthday to give him a chance to prove he was different and he was busy betraying me trying to move in a girl he was interested in to “get ahead of his credit card bills”. He had a female roommate I trusted who he asked to move out and even boasted that he didn’t need someone’s help to pay his bills. Now all of a sudden his trip to Florida hurt him (he could’ve flown coach instead of first class) and expenses for his sister’s upcoming wedding were “on his mind”. C just had to move in.

I told him I wasn’t comfortable with a girl he asked out and wanted to sleep with moving in. He told me I needed to put up or shut up in so many words. My feelings didn’t matter for the millionth time. She being in his apartment mattered more. He claimed I made too much of a big deal of him asking her out but before this he posted something cryptic on his Instagram story about how he’ll only ask once and after that the ball is in your court if you want to date. He asked her out and she turned him down. She stood him up too after I guess saying yes once. Now she has to live in your apartment? Hmm.

I got him a Nothing Bundt Cake for his birthday the day after he dropped this news on me and was busy running around picking up dinner for him and the girls even though he told me he didn’t care and C was moving in regardless because he was “helping out a friend”. I guess she suddenly became a good enough friend to live in his house. I spoke with my friend who knows of him since they were on the same ship together. He said he would never put his girlfriend in that position and it’s inappropriate. My girlfriends said the same shit. My older married neighbors also said the same shit. What makes him think he’s right other than him being a narcissistic asshole? I’m not sure. It can’t be reason.

My friend who knows him who I also previously dated said to me “You’re running around getting things for his birthday while he’s deceiving you and stabbing you in the back with that decision to move her in? Why?! You know what the answer is. You don’t need me to tell you what you should do”.

He was absolutely right. The way my body was convulsing and I threw up immediately when I walked in his door told me what I needed to do. So I watched “Elementals” with him and the girls. I cuddled close to his eldest daughter because I knew I was saying goodbye to her for a second time and it pained me. I just knew I couldn’t stay where I clearly was not appreciated or wanted. I had to put myself first as much as I love her and she loves me. She told my mother when we took her for a pedicure that weekend how much she loves me. It’s really too bad her father is an unappreciative and dishonest prick.

I helped get the girls in the bath tub and in bed. I was standoffish when we were watching How I Met Your Mother (Yes, I even put up with horrible tv shows for this motherfucker). I sat on the opposite end of the couch because I knew he didn’t love me at that point. Everything he had told me was a complete lie and he jumped at the chance to have C closer to him because he secretly still desired her. It’s not her fault and I don’t hate her for it. I blame him entirely for using me. I asked him before bed, “Do you love me?”. He replied with “What would make you think that I don’t?”. Answering a question with a question is a tell-tale sign of deception. Not to mention, this is two days before C was set to check out her potential new room and he told me he doesn’t like going down on me because of Hairy Bush Woman’s vagina and I just have to deal with it. What does her hairy and smelly lady part have to do with me? In that moment, I knew I was leaving the next morning and never looking back.

“Won’t break. Can’t shake this fate. Rewrite. Deep breaths. Tight chest. Life, death. Rewind.”

I laid down and had trouble sleeping. He slept soundly. Of course, he did. He knew he had successfully made me want to leave and he thought he was that much closer to getting his heart’s desire, C. Well, the next morning I helped get the girls ready to get out the door so he wouldn’t be late. And you know what he did? I went to brush my teeth and when I came out the house was dark. They were gone. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to them. As good as I was to his children, he intentionally did not let me say goodbye to them after effectively pushing me out the door. So at 6:30 am, I texted him saying I was done. He could have C in his house all he wants but if his grand plan didn’t work out, I would not be his placeholder. I have too much self-respect to let that happen. I found my backbone in my time away from him.

Of course, the gaslighting came heavy and he tried to equate my friendship with the dachshund lover to his friendship with her. We aren’t trying to live together and I had barely seen him since I got back together with Florida Man. False equivalency. He also threw at me “I’m helping a friend”. Yeah, sure. You’re trying to help yourself to her under false pretenses of “helping” her out of the “goodness of your heart”. There’s no redeeming quality about this man whatsoever. Why did I love him? I find myself asking that very same question.

“So I try to wipe my mind. Just so I feel less insane. Rather feel painless. I’d rather forget than know, know for sure what we could’ve fought through behind this door. So I close it and move.”

Needless to say, I blocked his phone number. I just removed him from my IG follower list and unfollowed him since at the time my profile was private. I guess on that Thursday, C decided she wasn’t moving in and he decided to message me on IG saying I (me) blew up a relationship with someone I cared about over a “hypothetical situation”. Yes, a situation that never should have been on the table in the first goddamn place. I didn’t answer. I didn’t even read it. I just screened it as it came in while I was sitting at the dentist with my mother.

The next Tuesday, after I came back from a run to Lake Murray I received another message from him saying “I miss you”. Are you fucking serious? You miss the person you pushed out? Hilarious. It took me about a good two weeks to respond, after I sent the kids Easter presents as a final gesture because I asked his eldest daughter if she wanted to dye eggs this year not knowing her father would do what he did. I told him he was disrespectful and the only reason he was “missing” me is because C saw right through him as I did and she turned him down again. I told him I stepped out of the way and C still doesn’t want him. He ruined our relationship, not me. He ruined what we had over someone who doesn’t want him. And he’ll have to deal with that. You cyberstalked me to pull me back in to treat me like this?

In the words of Lil Wayne: “Karma’s a bitch. Just make sure that bitch is beautiful”. Hairy Bush Woman might be desperate enough to put up with that nonsense but I know I deserve better and I’ll find it. At least I only wasted six weeks this time around.

“Now it’s like I’m looking in the mirror. Hope you feel alright when you’re in her. I found a good boy and he’s on my side. You’re just my eternal sunshine.”