Should’ve Said It

Remember when I said that my peace only lasted two weeks?

I finally decided to focus on myself and stop trying to fill the void from my failed 10 month relationship and I guess also my failed 3 year relationship prior to that. I also wanted to focus on my mental health which had taken a decline after my stepfather’s legal problems took a toll on my family. No sooner than I decide to hit the reset button, I receive a message from my ex-boyfriend of 5 years. Yes, it had been five years since I had moved out of our apartment we shared and about 4 years since we had last spoken to each other. He sent me the obligatory “Happy New Year!” pleasantry to which I replied “Happy New Year” sans punctuation. He interpreted my lack of punctuation as “Leave me the fuck alone”. He was right.

But five years after we split and a year into the global pandemic that has made everyone Drake level lonely, I received a message from him. Only this time, it was a Steinbeck novel apology message and a request for a second chance.

“Siri, play Camila Cabello ‘Should’ve Said It’”.

Isn’t it something that I get more when I’m giving you nothing? Isn’t it magic that when you stop looking for it, it happens?

I screamed. Not sure if it was in horror or shock, but it sent Aiden’s (my dog) ears up. I wasn’t sure what to say. Part of me wanted to cuss him out. Part of me wanted to tell him how long I had been waiting for him to try to fix it. Another part of me wanted to say “Oh, so now that she’s gone, you want to come back to me?” . I had to take a few minutes that seemed like an eternity before I replied : “Well…this is unexpected”.

I was crazy for you. All caught up and confused. Love was broken for me. Now it’s broken for you.

I could only play hardball for so long. Talking to him made me realize that I missed him too. And then he threw in a Braveheart gif with Mel Gibson telling someone he always knew he loved her. Apparently, it was love at first sight for him. I guess it must have been if he dumped someone to go out with me. Then why did he get so complacent about our relationship and not fight for us?

I wish that you could turn back the time. You’d hold me closer instead of your pride. I knew it was you from the very first night. And it took you two years to make up your mind…

This time he did hold me closer and swallow his pride I had a lot of questions. Some that would get answered and some that still linger. I was under the impression that his ex C was out of the way when I decided to give us a second chance after being caught up in the romance /charm of the mountains. I didn’t realize we were trying out for that show on TLC, You, Me & My Ex.

To be continued…