Photograph
I know where your mind went! Hell no — this is not based on the Nickelback song. I’m very sure that garbage song isn’t even in my Apple Music library.
I started listening to this song by J. Cole after talking to a guy that I’ve gone on a couple of dates with about dating apps and the pitfalls of looking for love in the digital age and how damaging it can be for one’s self-esteem.
Alexa play “Photograph” by J. Cole…
“Fell in love through photograph. I don’t even know your name. Wonder if you’d follow back. I hope to see you one day…”
I know what my experience on dating apps has been like. For whatever reason, I tend to look better in the rearview and guys try to cycle back after ghosting or whatever they thought they had didn’t work out. No one wants to feel like a second string quarterback. Although, I guess sometimes they do get a ring — right Blaine Gabbert? Tommy Maddox? Sorry, football is on the brain because it’s almost here babyyyyyyy!
This go round on a dating app, I’ve been single for almost 5 months. That’s not a long time by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I was single for 3 years once. One of the pitfalls women have to look out for is a guy who pretends to want a relationship when all they want to do is fuck. They’ll tell you what you want to hear to get you into bed. I guess that’s not much different from high school.
Also, guys typically play the numbers game on these apps. Sometimes they swipe right on EVERYTHING to increase their chances of getting a match not giving a damn what’s in your profile, what your interests are, what kind of music you like, etc. Other times, they just look at your profile photos and swipe right. That leads to a cycle of unsuccessful dates and people being involved in situationships they shouldn’t be in.
I’m not here to cast aspersions on all men on these apps. I know some who are truly looking for their person. I have a friend who is searching for his perfect girl and has expressed frustration at “indirectness” of females on the apps. Obviously, women like to have options as much as the men do. And maybe that’s the issue: we think we have so many options. And one thing that happens is that women, to attract options use the most provocative of photos. Yes, it may get you a swipe — but does it attract a quality man? That was one crucial mistake I used to make back in the day.
These days, you can see a full body photo to know that I’m not morbidly obese but I’ma have some clothes on. I also put effort into showing my personality instead of hiding it.
“Damn I love your sense of humor. You don’t get caught up in rumors. You don’t be talking ‘bout who fuckin’ who and I notice the way you maneuver. Sexy but never show too much…”
That’s one of the reasons I appreciate my interactions with Smooth Jazz (I’ll call him that because his voice is soothing. How is he not hosting a radio show?). He asks questions. He calls just to say hi, even if it is at night before he goes to bed. We talk until we both start yawning. He’s been single much longer than I have but he and I both came to the conclusion that these apps just want our money. He said he had trouble getting matches or likes until he paid for the premium version and then he connected with me. I’m going to assume he thinks it was worth the investment because it makes me feel good about myself.
He did ask me a unique question: “What’s your favorite animal and why?”. My answer: the red panda because when threatened they stand on their hind legs and wave their paws in the air to seem taller and intimidating like “I ain’t no bitch”. His was the manatee because of their goofy demeanor. I asked why he wanted to know and he said because it’s telling about the kind of people you gravitate toward.
Apparently, I like people who are gentle with a shy and sweet temperament but if threatened can try to look intimidating. After Googling, I learned that the red panda values solitude. I also value my alone time. That might be another telling thing about my affinity for the red panda. His answer is telling because he likes goofy creatures that are affectionate and inquisitive. I am definitely on the goofy and affectionate side.
“I put it off for a day. I come back around your way. Searching for what I could say that accurately could convey the way that I feel in a word that’s different from what you done heard. So many done hit you with game. So many been sent to the curb…”
Although, most of my experiences on dating apps have largely been a rigimaroll of unsuccessful dates, ghosting, getting involved with the wrong guys…something about this time feels different. 1) I’m not giving my body to temporary people. I’m on a sex strike, if you will. 2) I seem to have made more genuine connections and possibly one that I really like. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Smooth Jazz. It does seem that we both find each other refreshing and remain hopeful to give up dating apps permanently.
Could we be each other’s ticket out of digital purgatory? Stay tuned.
“Love today’s gone digital and it’s messing with my health…”